When to Say NO to a Marriage Proposal

There are certain warning signs that we normally do not notice at all or tend to ignore during the friendship (or even engagement) period but these should never be ignored as they point to a troubled marriage when the dust settles in the future.

Contrary to numerous plots in countless romantic movies and novels, love itself is just not adequate to make marriages work. In fact, it is one of the most volatile emotions that vanishes sooner than later with a potentially “bad spouse material”.

Therefore, before committing finally to a marriage, do give a little thought to some events that were mundane, but disturbed you a little during the courtship period. Do not ignore these warning signs –

Jealousy

Is your boyfriend/girlfriend jealous of every member of the opposite sex who comes to you? Or makes a dig at you for the same?

While it might look nice at that time and would make you feel like the cynosure of his/her eyes; in the long run, it will take away your personal space to meet anyone without arousing suspicion. The insecurity can only increase with time since a wedding ring itself would not be adequate to make your spouse feel more secure.

A good spouse is not irrational or possessive without some serious reason. Just think – if you were to constantly reassure him/her that the other person in your life is not a threat, it would spiral into you trying to meet the others while you are away from your spouse which may spell a doom in any long-term commitment.

Tries to Change You

If your would be spouse constantly nitpicks about your appearance, behavior, personality, career path, friends or your personal habits, he/she is practically hinting that you are not good enough!

While a good life partner helps in developing a better personality, but a forever tirade upon you about changing some thing or another, is a sure sign that the person will make a bad and a nagging spouse. While sometimes you might feel that it’s been done for your improvement; no amount of love is worth a lifetime commitment to such a person.

Ask yourself how much would you be willing to give up in order to please him/her? What if, one fine day he/she says that he/she was dead against having children while you have always loved children? Would you be able to give up your desire of owning a farmhouse to suit his/her vision for a cottage in the suburbs?

How would you decide when the change she is asking you to make is reasonable or not?

Mismatch in Sexual Drive

Although sex is an important ingredient in a marriage, the finer things about it do not emerge before marriage.

Do you like to discuss sex while he/she hates to talk of it? Are you vocal while making love and he/she considers it crude! Do you need it comparatively more often? Is there a mismatch in the libido?

How you relate to one another physically makes a big impact on how you live together after marriage. There can be medical as well as psychological issues and hence one ought to have a very clear vision of it before walking down the aisle.

Fickle Mindedness

If a person is fickle minded and has a trouble staying committing to any job, friendship or even a flimsy thing like a hairstyle is certainly not the responsible type and hence think twice before you commit yourself to an undying loyalty to him/her.

Such people also show the same characteristics when it comes to choosing friends as they go about life constantly making new friends as they drop the old ones on flimsiest of reasons or sometimes, even no reason!

They are prone to knee jerk reactions, have trouble holding on to any jobs as well as relationships and do not generally think beyond their noses and settling down with them is fraught with a lot of risk. Such people “move on” from one relationship to another (do consider how long you have known him/her) and unless your bond has been for a long period, think again before saying yes.

Doesn’t Approve of Your Friends

A person  who disapproves your friends and is not comfortable with your hanging out with them will become a spouse who does not want to have life outside the marriage and would create problems whenever your friends call on you or you go out with them.

The spouse has to respect your choice of friends and ought to accept them or even become a part of your circle naturally, instead of trying to monopolize your life into just his/her own company. If you have noticed your would-be spouse sneer or pass sarcastic remarks on the type of company you keep, its time to re-think because this habit can only become worse after the marriage vows.

Getting married involves meshing up two lives in every sense. Therefore, do give it a serious thought before committing to it.Unlike the friendship or the courtship period marriage involves living together all the time, for years ahead. These warning signs should not be ignored as they help you decide whether the person you have in mind is an ideal marriage material.

Getting into a relationship with an open eye and rational frame of mind would help you notice these warning signs and prevent ruining your marriage by making you avoid committing to a wrong person.

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Filed: Brand New
tags: Marriage, proposal